If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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