my phone needs a breathalizer
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my sisters under your porch take her home
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
