I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
