Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
