We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
