And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
