Just mADE A PArabola og urine
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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