Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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