Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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