I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
