Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
im having a threesome with these popsicles
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
