I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
