you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
