How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
