After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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