...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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