He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Drunk is not a location!
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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