now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
