do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
