we have pet lesbian snakes
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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