Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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