i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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