I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
