If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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