this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
