I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
