sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
