apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Randomize
