Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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