Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
