I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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