My sheets look like a crime scene.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
