I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
