If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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