i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
