I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
