it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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