You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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