It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
