yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I will be naked everywhere
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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