worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
