Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
