I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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