First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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