so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
