Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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