My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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