I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
