the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
