i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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