he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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